I was talking to a woman recently, who had been in and out of an abusive relationship.

She said it took her many years to understand why she kept returning to her husband. But in the end she began to see that the trauma and abuse she had experienced were connected to the cultural messages she had internalised from a young age: that women were submissive, obedient and, in essence, worth less than men.

The subconscious mind has a powerful effect on our beliefs and ideas about who we are. Many of us do not understand the impact of the subconscious because it is hidden – often built on childhood experiences that we no longer remember.

This woman talked to me about the struggle to change her mind set – to allow herself to believe she was worthy of being in a loving relationship; being valued; being allowed to make decisions and choices about her own life, which were not corrupted by her family’s and society’s expectations of her.

Many women who find themselves in a cycle of abuse may not understand how they got there or know how to get out. They become stuck in the cycle, not because they want to be there but because it is connected to their sense of self-worth and what they subconsciously believe they deserve.

It takes guts and effort to understand your history, to break the mould and liberate yourself from societal and cultural expectations and beliefs. I saw the courage it took this woman to stand tall when she was shunned by her own community for saying no to oppression, and choosing a different path for herself and her children.

We are lucky enough to live in a mostly progressive society which allows women choice, a voice, and opportunity. At Bonnie’s, we support this by educating women about domestic violence, and by supporting them to transition from a state of helplessness and hopelessness to a state of empowerment. The journey can be difficult and painful but the rewards are great.

By changing our minds, we can change our lives.

Written by Susan